This blog has grown right along with me as I experience different phases in my life. One thing has always stayed the same. The sole purpose of this site is to help you, whoever you are, feel absolutely solid in yourself and what you've got going on. I want each post to resonate with you in one way or another, even if you don't feel as though it's relevant to your lifestyle.
Last week I posted about how my job sent me into depression. It's been one of the most frustrating things that I've ever experienced, but I'm working towards bettering myself each and every day.
One big reason why I spiraled into this depressive state, actually had nothing to do with my job. I blame it on my job because it's easier than admitting that I am NOT doing things that benefit my mental health.
As women, we focus so much on the exterior. Making sure we look presentable. Our hair and makeup looks flawless, our outfit is appropriate for wherever we're going and that everything LOOKS as perfect as humanly possible.
I have some news -
Looking pretty on the outside, does not help to make a pretty situation on the inside.
We spend so much time on exterior primping that we forget that our inside needs work too. Our soul needs just as much love, if not more, than our faces and our wardrobe.
When I got launched head first into this depression, I was forced to take a look at exactly what I wasn't doing for myself - building a relationship. That may sound ridiculous, but it is crucial to build a relationship with yourself.
I was so focused on working my shift then coming home and working more on my businesses, that I forgot to take care of myself. To take time for myself. All of my time was spent in other areas that didn't better me or my mental health.
When I talk about building a relationship with yourself, I'm mainly speaking on taking time to do things that make your soul feel good. For some of you this may seem completely foreign - something that you've never thought about having to do.
Let me be the one to tell you - if your soul is not taken care of, you are not performing at your peak potential in this life. Read it again - I will wait.
No matter how "together" you may think your life is, if you are not doing something that makes your soul realize how grateful you are for YOU - you are not living your best life.
I'm no stranger to spending time with myself. I'm a very independent person who enjoys spending time alone. BUT the quality of the time that I spent by myself is not where it should be. Although everyday is a work in progress, I am finally learning what it means to build a relationship with myself.
How do I build a relationship with myself?
There are several ways that you can go about building this new relationship. I'm going to share some of those ways below. At the end of the day the way you build your relationship should be based off of what feels most fulfilling to your mind, body & soul. Never just take someone's word for something and start incorporating it into your life if you don't feel comfortable or helped by it.
Meditation / quiet time are life savers.
Meditation has worked wonders for my stress levels. I've dabbled in meditation for years now, but finally have a routine down that works well for me. I've found that when I start my day with a guided meditation, I am able to handle the stress of daily life with a lot more ease and a lot less anxiety.
People have this misconception that when you meditate your brain needs to be completely clear of thoughts - that is not the purpose. The purpose of meditating is to slow your mind down and become more aware of your thoughts. If you're one of the people who say that you can't meditate because your brain is chaos - you need meditation the most!
Spending even 5 minutes in solitude with the intention of doing a meditative exercise to focus on yourself is beautiful. You don't need an hour long practice to see the benefits. Just take whatever amount of time you can, sit your butt down and acknowledge your thoughts.
There are so many apps now that are geared towards meditation. My all time favorite is "Insight Timer."
They have so many meditations to choose from and quite a few categories. My favorite would be the guided meditations. I feel like these are easier to come back to when my mind starts wondering too much during my practice.
Find a hobby.
This may seem counterproductive because I'm telling you to build a relationship with yourself, but go with it here for a sec.
When you find a hobby, something you really enjoy doing, you enter what I like to call "flow." You're spending this time with yourself doing something that makes you happy.
For me, I picked up journaling. I journal first thing in the morning and right before I go to bed. I don't necessarily write about what happened during the day or issues that I'm having with people. I just kinda reflect on what's going on or write down some mantras and affirmations that make me feel good. I surprise myself sometimes with the things that I write. Something about the pen hitting paper just triggers my subconscious into spewing out what it's actually feeling. It's been a great release for me!
I lack in this department the most. I make excuses for why I can't exercise, but the truth is - it really freaking helps. Exercise is proven to be a mood booster - and I believe it.
It's been way too hot to get outside for walks lately, so I've just been practicing yoga at home. It's something that I enjoy doing and kinda puts me into a meditative state. It's cool to see how my flexibility progresses overtime and what poses my body is capable of doing now.
Just get moving. Even if it's only 10 minutes. Those 10 minutes are better than the 0 that we would've spent had we not gotten up and gone for it. We get so caught up in the "all or nothing" mentality.
"I need to work out an hour or I'm not going to work out at all."
Stop it! Exercise doesn't need to be a theatrical thing every time. Obviously the longer you can go the better, but the point is just to get your heart beat up a bit and give your body the movement that it is craving.
Do your best to eat your best.
I have a tendency to eat like shit when I feel like shit. For some reason I develop this pity party and all the healthy eating habits fly right out the window. I pay for it later.
Food is meant to fuel your body. So if you're already not taking care of yourself and you add crappy food on top of that - your body isn't going to be well fueled. I know this one can be really hard for people, even me!
I'm developing better eating habits because I know I will start to feel way better once that fuel starts to kick in!
Be nice / affirm yourself.
Like I mentioned above, I develop affirmations through my journaling practice that make me feel good. These are just little short phrases that make me feel more positive and light.
It can be very easy to bully ourselves and make ourselves feel like we're unworthy. This is so unhealthy and is totally going to build a shitty relationship! It feels good to say good things about ourselves - as unnatural as it may feel.
I watched an awesome Ted Talk the other day and the woman giving her speech said she wakes up every morning, walks into her bathroom and says "HELLO BEAUTIFUL!" At first I thought it was comical, but the more I thought about it the more awesome it became! This girl is starting her morning off by letting herself know that she's freakin great. She doesn't need an outside source to tell her otherwise because she's building that relationship with herself on her own.
You are the one person on this planet that you are absolutely stuck with no matter what. You can't run away from yourself or have a disagreement and never speak again. So if you're going to be living your life with yourself, you may as well build a strong foundation for a beautiful relationship to thrive on.